We have a winner!!!

Ok so first I would like to apologize for disappearing.  I have completely dropped the ball - but after meeting a "fan" (I quote that loosely because there are maybe 10 people following this blog and I had never met this lady before so I felt cool ok?), I felt obligated to get on good 'ole match again and see which fish are biting.  And, just like match.com never disappoints, I caught a good one:

Hey hun 

I wouls love to talk and see where it goes umm heres more about me then.....i am very down to earth, i wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes that ends up hurting me in the long run.....i live life to the fullest, like to go out and also stay in....looking for a job right now....since came back from basic training from army on aug 8....got hurt and missed too much training 

im back to being a volunteer firefighter and also signed up to be a driver for the ambulance every now and then too.....and im also back at college at lonestar...... 

i like all types of music and mostly country and i can dance...... 

i like all types of food and the color blue....i like to swim and goto the gym when i can but need to go more ...... 

Ur turn!!!! 




Ok this is a serious question: why do men in general think I want a pet name  - especially before I have even met them?  It's one thing to have been dating a while and come up with a nickname - but calling me "babe" "hun" or "sweetheart" just means either a) he doesn't have enough neurons to remember my name or b) he has too many other babe's to tend to and doesn't want to get up mixed up.  Now in homeboy's case, it's neither - but for real, do not call me hun, got it sweetcheeks?

Next point...why doesn't he complete full sentences...I am reading his paragraph and I just never know when to pause because he continues to...

If he wears his heart on his sleeve, what does he do when he wears a tank top??  Because this feller looks like he would wear wife beaters FA SHO.  In all sincerity, I do appreciate the random odds and end jobs he does to make ends meet, but what the hell is Lonestar College?  Not to be a snob, and not that I went to an Ivy League school,  but is that even real? Judging by the way he types, I think not.

When I see e-mails like this I am so so tempted to respond - I really just can't help myself.  So I did:



Hey Dollface,

So glad we're chatting!  But I have to say, I am really opposite from you.  I am not down to earth at all - I'm actually just a very pompous egomaniac.  I eat guys like you for breakfast.  In fact, if we dated, my entire job would be to piss you off.  Considering you don't exactly have the best grammar, I can already tell that texting back and forth with you would make me want to punch a baby.  Which is pretty bad.  

Sorry you got hurt in training - I do appreciate the fact that you attempted to fight for our country.  I bet you feel pretty weak considering you never made it into the actual army right?  What a bummer!

So, what exactly is Lonestar College? Is it one of those online colleges where you tell yourself you're receiving a degree, but in actuality you get a G.E.D which makes you employable for blue collar jobs?  Hate to break this to you, but I plan on being a trophy wife, so I need someone who milks the cash cow if you get what I mean cowboy.

Well best of luck on everything.  Sorry I'm not the girl for you, but I promise you keep reaching out to chicks on match and you'll surely be successful.


Ur ridiculous if you think I'm actually into you, Bro.  I'm officially going to hell.

Let me introduce to you my future husband...

I think I have fallen in love.  Please read the profile below:

"Live a good life. If there are Gods, and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are Gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no Gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memory of your loved ones"
-Marcus Aurelius

I'm Juan. Mama's boy. Nurse. Dork. Fitness junkie. Philosopher-in-training. Sports fanatic. Video gamer. Knowledge seeker. Yoda understudy. Fabio double. Just an average guy looking to make new friends, or dare I say, meet the one.

I moved here a couple months ago to start a nursing job in drug rehabilitation. Love what I do, and I'm extremely passionate about drugs, as awkward as that sounds. Working on going back to school to also get a masters in business, with the hopes of opening up drug rehab centers.... That's the plan anyway

My fitness defines me and is a huge part of who I am. I regularly run Memorial park, getting ready for a couple marathons in the near future(San Fran July 30th, Maui September 29th). I'm also in a basketball league. I wear #26, symbolic of marathons, lol.

I think intelligence is the most amazing characteristic anyone can have, followed by a great personality.

I'm here to meet new people. Its difficult being the new guy on the block. Hopefully I can meet some interesting people. I think love comes from the most unpredictable of places and is usually never planned, however I am open to the idea of a relationship, should the right one come along. 


If you think I have truly fallen in love then apparently you have not read enough of my blog.  This is what I have gathered from this fools profile:
1) "Mama's Boy" - aka he still lives at home.  I know this because he has pics with his mom all over his profile.
2) "Philosopher-in-training" - Well ok Aristotle, student of Plato, what makes you say you're a philosopher? Can you even read?  Nichomachean Ethics anyone? Bueller?  Your philosophy most likely comes from Mitch Hedburg.
3) "Video Gamer" - Ok gentlemen in the audience: if you enjoy video games, that is fine.  But don't freely admit it until after you've started dating the chick.  It's a total turn off (but if the girl already loves you, she'll overlook it if you're lucky)
3) "Knowledge Seeker" - we already know you are trying to be smart, Einstein.
4) Yoda Understudy - What does this even mean? That you can switch up sentences?  Fucking idiot, you are.
5) Drug rehabilitation- aka he used to do drugs.  Don't even deny it.  And since he won't allow himself to take them anymore he probably obsesses about what other people get to experience.  That is not normal.  All of a sudden a girl is white girl wasted on the dance floor and Dr. Drew is all up and analyzing her and shit before he brings her home.
5) Being #26 in basketball - Glad you know what symbolism is Thoreau.  Lol.
6) And the best part of this Muchacho - his profile picture:

I swear to God I did not alter this.  This is his Profile Picture!!!

Here's another one for kicks:

Seems more like the Hulk than a philosopher.  Or The Situation - except we can call him - The Non-Occurence cause this ain't happenin!!

Buckle Up

So my one month subscription ended today - and I legitimately was going to cancel. BUT then Match threw out this "3 months for the price of one" deal - and I was like, I think I could continue with the entertainment until October/my blog would succeed.  SO BUCKLE UP BITCHES- we're going to re-vamp the profile, make me sound like a skank, and watch le shitshow ensue!!

The profile picture

Here is a collection of my favorite profile pictures.  The best is when they are pictures of themselves that they took with their go phone.  Self portraits with cell phones are NEVER acceptable unless: 1) someone else is in the picture with you 2) you are taking a picture to send to a family member (point in case: to show a new hairdo) or 3) when sexting (if you're into that sort of thing).

Please enjoy:

Listen up yell-leader, you took a picture of yourself in your bathroom.  Is that your hand in your pocket or are you just excited to see your reflection?

I REALLY like the fact that this guy put a note "I removed the proof that  took a picture of myself in the mirror :)".  Really glad you did that chief.  Except you have a mullet and you took a picture of yourself with a mirror.

Glamour shot with fido.  It's one thing for a girl to do it- it's kinda weird when a guy does it.  I mean, he is cute - but that is his profile picture. Weird.

This guy wants to make sure the ladies know he can afford a 3 series convertible BMW and that he can take it on top of his apartment garage (which happens to be City Vista).  If you were a big timer you wouldn't live in an apartment, chief.

Having this as a profile pictures is just asking for crazy people to message you. He looks like football Jesus, but with his shirt off.

Why on earth would you post a picture where you look like an alien? Ladies, can you imagine this on top of you? Gross.

Ok this guy is actually hot.  But the fact that he took a picture of himself automatically disqualified himself.

-Mis-Staken

The Mall Stalker

Well I received a very interesting e-mail today.  This guy has chatted me before and I didn't respond.  Apparently I run through his mind because i received this:

Let the beat build

So I'm an idiot. 

I was walking around the mall looking for some new running shoes, no big deal. As I'm walking by a store, I look in and see a shirt with lsutiger on it. Then I think to myself, "Why is your screen name on a t shirt?" I look at the shirt a second time and realize, ohhhh....it's LSU Tigers. 

When I first saw your profile I was thinking Sutiger was your last name, and L was your first initial. It never occurred to me that's not at all what it is....shut up.

 *My screen name is lsutiger or something I honestly don't even remember.

Anyway- what an idiot.  Match needs to create an IQ test as part of the screening process.

-Mis-Staken

I'm not the only one

So a friend of mine shared a match blog she had started when she began the adventure of match dating. It's absolutely hysterical and I am honestly sad she is too scared to post her material - so I will do it for her.  This is completely unedited - it's all written by my darling friend:

Post: Summa Cum Crazy

So I decide to go on a date with this guy who has a totally normal profile with very good-looking photos, has sent several nice, normal emails, and even gave me his full name. Upon Google search, I discover no scary things and, on his work bio, that he's apparently smart and hardworking- summa cum laude from a very prominent university. impressive! He chose a nice place for our date and was very polite in making the arrangements. All promising signs.

We meet for lunch. He looks nothing like his photos. Apparently he has gained 50 lbs but hasn't noticed this about himself. In person, his facial features also appeared distorted, and his complexion was a blotchy mess. I was disappointed, but still hopeful that we would have a nice time anyway. Nope. He may be book smart, but it is immediately evident that he is also certifiably socially retarded. Our "conversation" consists of him lecturing me on ancient religions and mythology and describing to me in painful detail of his aspiring poetry and science-fiction writing career. He has written a novel set in 2084, which is a play on Orwell's "1984". Mmm Hmm. I shit you not. It was painful, but little did I know, the worst was yet to come.

He had asked me on the phone when planning the date if I would want to take a walk after our lunch and I had told him that sounded nice, so then I felt like I couldn't back out of it. Then, as we begin our walk through the popular and crowded outdoor mall, he takes a hold of my hand! Inappropriate!! SHIT. What can I do? I want to vomit, but I can't say to him, Gross! let go of my hand, I don't like you! So I had to go on, walking hand-in-hand with him, silently announcing to all of the passers-by that "we are a happy couple". I was so certain that I would run into someone I knew, and that it would be especially mortifying like my crush from work or my ex with his hot new girlfriend or something. I wished I could saw my arm off. I wondered, could I outrun him if I just took off? I'm in heels... but he's kinda fat. hrmm. Thankfully, the walk mercifully came to an end.

Later on, I felt kind of guilty that I had been so repulsed. I thought, he actually seemed like a nice person... So, when he texted that night to ask me out again, I tried to be kind in politely rejecting him. Here is an excerpt of our exchange:

Me: "hey... thanks I had a nice time but I just don't think that we're a "match""

Him: "thats ok. any reason?"

Me: "I just didn't feel a spark I guess."

Him: "thats ok. maybe you can find a nice tribal hubby when you go on your trip to Africa."

Me: "um, haha....okay, maybe so... thanks again and best of luck"

Him: "just one question. why didn't you offer to pay for half?"

-Mis-Staken & Friend :)

It's just too funny not to...

...show you the pics of my fellow suitors.  I was super cautious about it in the beginning, but I figure as long as I don't share their names it shouldn't be a big deal.  Oh and by the way, dragon-ball-z tattoo freak TEXTED ME after our conversation.  Two days later I received a "Hey". I was super tempted to respond "oh hey Pikachu hows it going", but I realized he had my real number and I already made a massive mistake giving him my number in the first place.

Without further ado, here are pictures of what this cat has dragged out of the awful match-bag:

Oh hayyy cowboy fan. No.

I just don't understand the expression on his face.  You can tell he is holding a child, but he looks like he is super awkward and uncomfortable.  And who seriously wears sheepskin coats, much less with white-tees?  

This guy is from another post as well (oh yeah sign me up).  In the top pictures- he looks like he belongs in the jersey shore.  GTL anyone?  But what really "gets" me is his second pic, which also serves as his profile pictures.  He looks: confused, constipated, high, stupid, and ridiculous all in one.

You animal you.

I'd rather date the dog.

I feel like this Texans fan and the Cowboy fan are besties.

And for the GRAND FINALE: ROMEO:

This my friends, is the "Romeo" i referred to in an early post.  In the flesh.  Now that you can put a face to a name, doesn't it just make reading his e-mail THAT much better? How could you NOT want to date this man in a shiny suit with a lavender vest/tie ensemble?  Mmmmmhmmmm.

-Mis-Staken

Dr. Love

I actually received this one a while back before I began the blog, but this one is pretty funny.  Background: this guy claims to be a neuro-surgeon and has pictures of himself in surgery on his page.  Ok Dr. Douchelord Here is the first e-mail I received from Dr. Love:


Hey I just read your profile and found it quite interesting that you are an accountant. You must love your job since you don't consider it boring.

With you being really pretty, I'm sure you get a lot of messages from guys every day (that's a good thing!).

I'm Gary. I used to live in Houston till high school and just got back in town after completing my residency from UCLA (Univ. of California Los Angeles). I'm a neurosurgeon and I'm usually working at the hospital. Sometimes it's hard to meet fun people. I am always up for meeting someone new and having a great conversation and having a blast. I'm a pretty fun guy in person. I like lift weights almost every day. I'm down for most things, pool, salsa dancing (I'm pretty smooth, can you keep up?), movies, outdoors, concerts, museums, etc. But I am also traditional, family guy and conservative (in certain things).

In fact, the nurses think I'm the craziest doctor they have seen (don't worry they mean it in a good way. I'm good to my patients!). I once salsa danced (just light steps) with a patient before surgery to calm her nerves!

I'm interested in meeting and learning more about you. Maybe we can hang out sometime this week. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Now, I was telling my friend who is also on match about this winner, and we realized he sent her the exact same e-mail (except he tweaked the first paragraph to make it personalized).  Well, I found this to be unacceptable, and since he was a tool anyway, I decided to respond:

Hey-

Just some advice, you may want to change up your e-mails a bit more considering you sent one of my friends basically the exact same e-mail.

Also, if a girl doesn't know what UCLA is, she's a fucking moron.

Cheers and good luck, chief.


Some men will never learn.

-Mis-Staken

The Surprise Attack

So I actually decided to give one guy my number on match.  He seemed super normal.  He was even kinda nerdy.  He had a "Keep Calm and Chive on" t-shirt, which is pretty geeky.  He was clean cut - short dark hair, blue eyes, and had very normal pictures.  He is an engineer, and well-traveled.  So I figured "ok maybe there are some normal people on here". WRONG.

The first day he texted me we had a normal conversation.  He said he had a cat which is kind of weird but I overlooked it because at least he was an animal lover, and his cat was named after the best rapper alive (Weezy).

Well, late the second day of texting, he asks if I like tattoos.  I replied not particularly, and he says oh.  I asked if he had any and he said "just two little guys" - and then i received this picture (note: I cropped his head out because I don't want to get sued or something):

So here is our text convo after I receive the picture (note: I wasn't sure if it was him because in this picture his hair was longer, so I thought it was a joke - my text is in white, his is in blue).

And boom goes the dynamite.  I'm still really proud of the "Pokemon" comment.  Who wakes up one morning and goes "hmm, I think I am going to get two cartoonish mythological dragons on both of my shoulders in permanent ink".  This would potentially be acceptable if he was twelve-and-a-half when he got them! I feel completely blind sided by Dragon-Ball-Z loser, yet it's hysterical.

-Mis-Staken

The Eager Beaver

I received this diamond yesterday:

Hello, How are you doing?
My name is Beaver and I'm really interested in starting a real conversation with you.
I'm waiting for your reply.
Thanks

1) Please define "a real conversation".   I mean, this seems pretty demanding.  Considering he has a terrorist like name, this could be serious.  Do I look like a mail-order bride? You got the wrong country bucko.  What if I want a fake conversation, beaver?
2) Don't hold your breath.  You will never hear from me.
3) This was on his about me section:

 

Hello! Thanks for visiting my profile. My friends would describe me as a a hard worker, easy going, funny, caring, genuine, reliable, loyal friend and hard worker. I‘m a family oriented man. I grew up over seas and would like to do some more traveling out of the country and road trips.

 

         a) It's "overseas" - but basically this just tells me that you're a foreigner.           b) No one cares what your friends say. I want to know what your enemies would say - or                
someone you don't get along with. Friends always say nice things.  What do people you've             pissed off say?  Mine would probably say I'm a bitch.  Which is what every girl calls another girl they dislike.  It's not really an "ouch" in my opinion.


I have an old post I'm going to dig up - get excited.


-Mis-Staken

Oh yeah. Sign me up.

So match has these things called "e-mail filters" on your inbox.  Basically, if someone does not meet your set standards (not that any of these guys pay attention to them), match will start moving the men who don't meet the stated "cut" to a filtered inbox.  Thankfully, I check this box more than my un-filtered mail, so I don't miss ANYTHING.

Latest  filtered e-mail received today:

Wow your a cutie :) Love that blonde hair and those blue eyes. How do you like living in Rice village? I almost moved there, but decided on the galleria instead.

First of all, I really wish I could post this guys picture.  He has the expression of confusion, drugged, constipated, and the want to look sexy all in one.  I mean, he has really mastered this expression.  I am sure it took a lot of practice in the mirror which is most likely right next to his bed, if not on his ceiling.

Next note, I NEVER said once on my profile where I lived.  So where he is getting his mis-information, I am not sure.  Maybe he decided I look like a girl that lives in Rice Village?  I am kind of freaked out - good thing I live 15 minutes away.

Also, I don't care where you live. Because you're a giant douche. Kthanks.

-MisStaken

I receive these on the daily...

Here is a selection of e-mails I have received this week:

AdventureE:I want a sexy woman from Louisiana
-Note: He is a 37 year old fat guido who lives 4 hours away. Seriously?

InsertNameHere: What the hell is your problem?? Why do you insist on staying here on earth when you belong in heaven with the rest of the angels? Yes that was very lame but I just wanted to get your attention. Hi I'm Josh. How are you?
-Note: Josh is in no way, shape (certainly not), or form attractive.  He is also a divorcee - which would be fine if he were attractive. But he's not. He is 32, large, and in charge (but obviously not of his eating habits).

IamnotSmoothatAll: There for a second you had me worried because I figured everyone from the south was a coonass. Lol
-Note: He is 30, he offended me, AND he used "lol". Sick.

I'm not going to even comment anymore...but I receive these daily.  Do they seriously expect a response?
-MisStaken

The Date Rager

The date rager is probably on steroids.  He is quite pushy and forward and just REALLY WANTS TO GO ON A DATE.  He basically will shove a tube down your throat to make you eat because he just WANTS TO GO ON A DATE.

First e-mail:
Hey I don't really know how this works but I would like to take you out for a drink and get to know you better.

I see this and I'm like what the hell - I don't even know you.  So I go to his profile to find out a little bit about him, and make sure he isn't a serial killer.  He has barely filled out his profile, and has ONE picture. 

So I respond:
I'm still figuring this out too.  Tell me a little bit about yourself- what do you like to do for fun, where did you go, etc.  I just need to make sure you're not a serial killer or complete psycho.

He reponds:
Haha I completely understand, I enjoy being outdoors, hunting, fishing, bike riding ect and I got my degree from Texas A&M in business.  I now live in Houston and work in the exporting industry. Let me know if you're free some time I would like to take you out for dinner and maybe a drink.

My thoughts:
1) He sucks at grammar.  He should double check himself before he e-mails someone. Hello- just TRY to impress me.
2) He went to A&M. This could be ok- but there is the chance that he is one of those OBNOXIOUS fans that I just can't handle.
3) Exporting industry? This sounds sketchy. Exporting what - bodies of ladies who you went out with on match.com? That's like me saying I'm in accounting when I actually do accounting for drug lords in Columbia.  Details people.
4) You have already made it clear that you want me to drink and eat.  Which is nice. Except it's very Christian Grey foreceful (yes 50 Shades of Grey reference- which is a terrible novel- but I'm just making a point here). 

This guy is just out of control.  I can see myself lying in a ditch somehwere while he exports my vital organs to a foreign countries black market.  No thanks.

Stay tuned for the Pompous Ass(es - because there are multiple).

-MisStaken

Curiosity confirmed the cat

Match.com. We've all ridiculed it. We've all seen the cheesy commercials. We've all dismissed it.  But at some point in your twenties you decide to "try it out".  I have fallen victim to this trifle. After toiling and contemplating and going back and forth, I finally gave in.  "Fine- I'll give it one month. It can't hurt" (famous last words).

I knew there would be strange-beings on this imaginary thing called the "internet" (or "web of lies").  But basically, since my three days of membership, I've been able to categorize the various persona of the men in the dating world.

First, let me begin by showing you my "intro" - so you know what I have put out there for people to judge me by:

I am a fun-loving outgoing person who enjoys meeting new people and doing random things around Houston. I am ambitious, smart, and am pretty funny, for a girl. I say most things that are on my mind because I don't believe in changing my opinions for someone, however, I know there is a time and a place for everything and know when to hold my tongue. I am very open, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I was raised mainly in Louisiana, so I love the South and most things associated with it. I hold myself to a high standard, yet I don't believe in "5-year plans" because things can change in an instant. I am looking to meet someone who makes me want to be a better person, yet is spontaneous and fun. I appreciate genuine, honest people. I love gentlemen, and expect doors to be held. I appreciate someone who has a good work-ethic and is driven. I think it's ok to not know what you want to be when you "grow up", as long as you know where you are going for the time being. I guess my "type" would be a man who can go hunting in the morning, and put on a bow-tie later that evening (meaning he is outdoorsy, yet can dress up when I need him to). I tend to like "preppy" guys- bow ties always win me over.


Now, on to the various personalities:

I.  The desperate lover - This man is the epitome of pathetic, mixed with romance.  He pines for his internet Juliet, and writes a very descriptive profile to prove it. He send e-mails like this one (no I did not make this up):

How are you doing. I am doing great and I bless God for been so faithful. I read your profile and viewed your photos. I like every I read on your profile. This is not sugar coating!. Good Lord, You are so beautiful and pretty with cute eyes. Am new to the online dating but I have to start some where. I will like to tell me you few things about myself and all you need to know. 


My name is Romeo and live in Houston. I moved from MD. am a gentleman to the fullest and am very romantic, full of chemistry and have good sense of humor. I love kissing my woman forhead and I will always put a smile on her face, make her laugh and feel like a real woman. I will cherish her, cares for her, pamper her, spoil her, respect her and love her unconditional . I will be faithful and honest to her. Am God fearing man and my relationship with God is very important because I was brought in a good Christian home. Am a man that know who I am and what I want out of life. I love to laugh and make my woman laugh and have fun. I believe communication and understanding is the only key to a good relationship. 


No body is perfect so am not looking for a perfect match. presently am unattached to any woman and interested in starting up a good friendship and build it into good relationship. Am looking for a woman that will be my soul mate, my best friend and my sister.I'm seeking a serious long term relationship that we end up with a woman who is romantic, loving and caring . Am looking for a woman to be my beat friend, my lover, my soulmate and my woman. Looking for a woman who like to laugh and have fun. I look forward in reading from you and I am online, maybe we can chat for a while. Take very good care of yourself and God bless you real good. 

Here's the problem with Romeo:
A) The fact that you took the TIME to write me this pathetic e-mail makes me ignore you just by looking at the massive quantities of text you have sent me.  Do you seriously think I am going to read a novel? Don't think so.
B) The Romeos NEVER look at what you're interested in.  They cling to this hope that they can woo any lady by their third grade typing abilities and the passion they exude in their match.com e-mail.  They also love to "wink" at the woman in pursuit, hoping, grasping, waiting, for her to "wink" back. They don't care if you say no to: divorce, tattooes, piercings, smoking, kids, or race. Romeo thinks he has a fucking shot.  GET REAL.
C) Romeos are not smart.  At all.  As you can see from the example above, the grammar, spelling, and conversation lack intellect.  The highest of graduates have a GED.  I honestly find it surprising that they can afford a $40/month website at all.  Kudos- or are you stealing it from your child's allowance?

II.  The smooth talker - This guy thinks his shit does not stink.  He ALWAYS includes some reason of why he is on match.com "I just moved here (10 years ago)" "I can't find what I want so I thought I would give the internet a try" " I am ugly" (Note: this is never stated.  It is just obvious due to lack of photos, or photos with ugly men portrayed in them).   But these guys are confident - at least on the internet.  The smooth talker loves to reference things you have written on your profile. Point in case:

Subject: Come here often?
I couldn't think of anything better to write for a subject. So it seemed appropriate. 

First, let me say that your smile is amazing. It's a warm and happy one, and it's very pretty. 

I think it's great that you say what's on your mind. Being straight forward and honest is something that I really value in any person, but especially a girl that I would like to be in a relationship with. I also agree with you that having a "5 year plan" is not really viable because things can change so fast. One of my favorite comedians has a great one liner about this subject..."A guy interviewed me for a job and said 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?' and I said 'Celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question!'" 

I'm glad that you expect doors to be held for you. I went out on a date the other night where the girl I was with literally gave me the weirdest look because I opened the car door for her. I couldn't tell if she was offended or shocked. 

I own a couple of bow ties and can almost completely tie them, but I need help with that last little part of finishing it off....care to be that girl? 

A) Rico-Suave doesn't realize that regurgitating my profile is not impressive.  He thinks that I appreciate that he is attentive to detail.  In the words of the awful candian country singer "that don't impress me much".  I mean, it's one thing to find a common ground, it's another to plagiarize a profile.
B) I don't want to be that girl because you are a douche, and the fact that you don't know how to tie a bow-tie means that I can't be seen in public with you.
C) They LOVE to compliment you.  I mean, thanks and all- I appreciate it - but obviously there's an attraction if you're going to take the time to e-mail me.  But, my smile is amazing. Check.

We have two personality types down, and more to go (including the date-rager, the pompous ass, etc.). Stay tuned friends.

-MisStaken